One of my Facebook friends posted this to her status yesterday morning:
Interesting fact.. New Orleans, Los Angeles, and New York has the highest rate of me who refuse to commit. Women get it together!
Me: I don't understand what ur saying...
Friend: Men... Not me
Me: Oh I get that. But what does it have to do with "women get it together"?
Friend: Ohh... We allow them to stay in our lives without commitment. If he loves her, don't wanna lose her, he would wife her.
Me: I agree to a certain extent. I don't necessarily think that marriage has to always be the next step. Definitely if a woman is with a man for a period of time and he hasn't taken steps towards 'exclusivity', then changes need to be made. But..., personally I think that women scare men off with that rush to marry me stuff. A woman needs to get all her questions answered in the beginning instead of trying to go above and beyond all for the sake of getting that man. Whether he is the marrying type can be found out early on and eliminate a whole lot of heartache. Besides...there are many healthy/successful, relationships that are not bound by paper.
Friend: Totally agree. Dating has taken on a new meaning so this has become confusing. People 'wife' everybody they date..so this sense of exclusivity is maintained. Don't agree with people marrying young or rushing..but certainly stop acting married until you are ready for it. Stop shacking up and giving up all your goods. As far as I'm concerned they sexing someone else's man because God created our mate. After you guys have decided its me and you....do the right thing, marry each other. I think people don't cause it commitment means work.
Me: I still don't think it needs to lead to marriage ALL THE TIME and society should stop trying to dictate that. Just because a man marries a woman doesn't mean that he has decided to fully commit. It might mean that he cares "just enough" to ...marry her as to not lose her. I know a few women that are wearing "shut the f**k up rings". Some know it and some don't. Do you know how much resentment that leads to? Where women need to "get it together" is knowing that she didn't sign on for "What do I want to be when I grow up?...A wife" type thing. Sure, if they are both the marrying type, it can be a beautiful, wonderful, thing. Very beautiful. Not disputing that. Shacking up, as it's called, is in my opinion a good way to get to know what you are getting and I don't care what anybody has to say about that. There are no facades during that time. You are getting the real and finding out IF you even want to marry that man. So, when we choose to do it that way (I did) in essence a woman is being told, to get the ring first and IF it ain't peaches and cream, then forfeit your happiness and "make it work" because now you are a WIFE and it's your duty.
Friend: What dictates that for me is not society but rather teaching of Christ. If you take marriage seriously, then they have decided to commit. The question for those who committed and are unhappy..is everyone commitment to improving their marriage? Did they may fit the right reasons? Are they growing as a couple? I have shacked up, had kids out of wed lock, all dat..but my experience shows me that God made those rules for a reason. I have found living with a man will let you in but still only ad far as he let's you. Also living together and living married evokes two different thought processes, no matter how much we try to remain the same. If follow Gods plan, One will find themselves with less headache and heartache in the end...All of what you said really comes down to faith, maturity, and honesty. No one said its easy.. What's easy is leaving whenever you want to.
'may fit' should be marry. Swipe meeting up..and working.
See!..lol messing.. Not meeting
I left the conversation after this because aside from common sense and what the facts say between those two people - or that individual, she took this to religion. I refuse to even attempt a debate with anyone that does that. If for no other reason, is that they don't listen to reason.
My thoughts on marriage is that it is not for everyone. I think that women focus way too much time on trying to be wifed without knowing whether or not he is even worthy of that level of relationship in the first place. I am for all relationships - HEALTHY - whether it is a union of marriage or not.
What do you think about it?
